what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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