i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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