i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
