dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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