Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
