I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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