i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
