You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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