i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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