erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
