she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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