she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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