I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
