my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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