I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
