I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
