Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
