we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They have beer where we have blood.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
