Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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