you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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