when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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