i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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