when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are a genius and a whore.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
