Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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