i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
