So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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