Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
