I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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