Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
