dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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