I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
