exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
