Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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