He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
