I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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