She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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