I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't notice because vodka
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
