This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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