Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
