my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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