I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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