She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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