Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
