she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
