There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
