some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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