I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
