I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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