She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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