If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize