Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room