May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.