I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms