listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?