you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
