Kiss
Puke
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
did you just send me my own nude
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
