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I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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