areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize