He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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