Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am mentally ready for anal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
