you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This baby is an asshole
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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