11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
